My wife tells me that since we’ve got married I’ve changed a bit. She says that I used to be quite laid back and relaxed about things, whereas now I get stressed out of my head.
It’s true, I think.
I find myself lying awake at night worrying - worrying about things to do with work, worrying about money, worrying about things around the house (did I lock the door, turn the hob off, unplug the computer… will the roof blow off in the middle of the night, did I puncture a pipe or nick a wire the last time I nailed a picture hook to the wall), worrying about people, worrying about her, about myself, about my health.
You get the picture.
The thing is, I know myself that that’s not what I used to be like. I used to let things come and go, not in a reckless or careless way, but with a sense that if the roof blows off the house then it’s really not the end of the world, that things will get done at work and around the house, that we may not be diving into pools of cash in the manner of Scrooge McDuck, but we are comfortable: we have our own home, plenty of food to eat, oil in the tank to keep us warm through the winter, and plenty of other luxury besides.
And my wife reminds me, sometimes quite forcefully when it’s necessary, that in the five years we’ve been married (yes, five years, mental, I know - such a short time, but such a long time) we’ve seen again and again how God has been faithful to us as we’ve tried to be faithful to him. He’s provided for us as we’ve needed, he’s led us in the best directions… and that’s not going to change.
Yet still I end up spending nights in bed just short of panic.
I am a fool, it seems. One who just doesn’t learn from experience or the wisdom of others around.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Peace of God, which transcends all understanding… Amen.